The Cost of Not Knowing Your Triggers

If you don't know your triggers, your dark sides, you risk doing real harm.

Take Elon Musk. He’s undeniably brilliant and the wealthiest person in the world, but he’s reactive in ways that carry significant costs. In June, he got into a hostile exchange on Twitter, accusing the U.S. President of being listed in the Epstein files. The result was $152 billion in market value wiped out overnight. He later apologized, but the damage was done.

Now compare Jacinda Ardern, the former Prime Minister of New Zealand. Praised as one of the world's top leaders, she stepped down when she burned out: "I no longer feel I can do the job justice." She knew she would be criticized, but she also knew the greater risk was staying on past her limit.

Both situations were shaped by self-awareness, or the lack of it.

Most leadership development focuses on strengths and skills. Yet the deeper concern is what you do when you're triggered.

Our triggers usually trace back to loss, fear, or trauma. Ignoring them does not make them go away. They often surface in uncontrolled ways that damage reputation, teams, and trust.
In my work with leaders, this is where real growth happens: facing those darker spaces, understanding what drives them, and turning blind spots into clarity. It is often painful, but the payoff is resilience, stronger teams, and greater well-being.

The simplest practice I know, and one I use myself, is that when anger arises, ask if it's concealing fear. Normally, it is. Fear of being inadequate, unworthy, or of losing something important. Naming that fear does not make it disappear, but it makes the anger less controlling and offers insight into an old wound that can finally start to heal.

What helps you gain insight into your triggers?