How We Treat Difference

I was 43rd out of 43 students. Consistently dead last.
In my Singaporean classroom, I was the only white kid among Malay, Chinese, and Indian classmates. I never knew if I was different because of my race or because I was just stupid.

It took me ages to learn to read. I struggled with instructions. I couldn't even color within the lines.

I remember raising my hand in Malay class, excited because I thought I finally knew the answer. The teacher smacked me senseless. I don't know why.
I stopped raising my hand.

Years later, things changed: Stanford degrees, Harvard postdoc, faculty position in leadership at Asia's top-ranked university. Today, I coach CEOs and global executives.

And here's what I've discovered: many of them have similar stories. Unlike me, they were the "bright kids," but they also learned to stay quiet, not because of teacher hostility, but peer mockery. They were often the quirky ones who dimmed their brilliance to fit in.

We all learned the same lesson: being different gets you dismissed. Whether you're struggling or soaring, "different" makes people uncomfortable. So we hide what makes us unique, even when it's our greatest strength.

Putting aside the individual cost, the organizational cost of dismissing difference is staggering. How many breakthrough innovations never happened because someone learned to stay quiet? How many costly mistakes could have been prevented if the 'difficult' person felt safe to speak up? (Think: Challenger space shuttle disaster and CIA Bay of Pigs fiasco.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​)

We don't just lose their insights. We teach brilliance to hide.

Have you been misunderstood, not because you were wrong, but because you think differently?