Grief and Relief

Even now, five years after my mother’s death, I feel relief.

I felt the loss deeply. But she was in profound pain, and there was nothing I could do to ease it. I grieved her death, and I was also relieved that she was no longer struggling.

We often imagine that grief should look a certain way: tears, devastation, visible anguish. When relief appears alongside sorrow, it is often followed by guilt.

But relief is not the opposite of love.

When someone has been living with relentless pain, death may be a release. Not because we wanted them gone, but because we wanted their suffering to end.

Research by George Bonanno suggests that roughly 𝟲𝟱% 𝗼𝗳 𝗯𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗱 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗮𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗴𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗳, including relief and gratitude. Yet this remains one of the least discussed aspects of loss.

On this anniversary, I still miss my mother. I am also grateful that she is no longer carrying the pain of her final months.

If you have lost someone and felt relief, there is nothing wrong with that.

Perhaps death is not the worst thing that can happen to a person.