Lessons from Three Months of Meditation: Part 1 - Conflict

During months of meditation and stillness, I experienced profound beauty but also horrible pain when I received a hostile phone call, complete with angry accusations, from someone very dear.

I was in such a space of love and silence, with minimal outside contact. The hostility cut deeply and left me shaken for longer than I want to admit.

I had just read a story about the Buddha describing the beauty and pain in relationships. When monastery leaders divided their community over a ridiculous argument that started about soap placement (no joke!), the Buddha attempted reconciliation. Rebuffed by monks intent on fighting, he simply left the monastery, saying, "If you do not find suitable companionship, it is better to walk like a tusker [an elephant], alone in the wild."

This wasn't about isolation but freedom: freedom from depending on others for fulfillment, freedom from needing someone you love to love you back or be kind, freedom from expecting your peers and bosses to be reasonable.

In workplace contexts, how much stress stems from clinging to how we think colleagues "should" behave? I'm not saying we shouldn't try to improve situations, but our belief that we “need” things to be different before we can be okay causes tremendous distress.

Having just weathered my own recent workplace challenge, I'm reminded how far I still have to go before qualifying as a contented tusker. I do, however, appreciate the reminder that I want to care deeply without needing appreciation back.